i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
