Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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