You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
