if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
