Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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