She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
PANTIES FOUND
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
