They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
