omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
