Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
