3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
