I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
