If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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