put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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