I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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