everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I wish there were birth control emojis
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
