He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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