Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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