Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
