Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
