hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
