Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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