The best revenge is premature balding
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
