I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
