i think my tv is drunk
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We left an ass print on the piano.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
