your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
