i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
