I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
