Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
