my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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