i just wanna soil my oats bro
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
