he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
