I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
