if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
