She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
