I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
