Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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