That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
