try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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