Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
