A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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