i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
