chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I don't think brook has ever known best
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
