This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
