Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
