i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
