make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
