Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it was like eating out sand paper
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
