found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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