I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
