my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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