yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
