I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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