I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
