Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
