I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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