Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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