Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
